For Those that Love Chemistry

Recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a newChemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviestElement yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), Has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 Assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which Are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can bedetected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes intocontact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction thatWould normally take less than a second to take from four days to fourYears to complete.Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, butInstead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistantNeutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium'sMass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization willCause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. ThisCharacteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe thatGovernmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an Element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has Half as many peons but twice as many morons.